Time to hurry up and wait...

So most of you know that we went to our RE Specialist 2 weeks ago, and we have just been taking the last 2 weeks to think about what we want to do. The appointment went well, it started off rocky because the doctor started off with the whole "well you are both young and have plenty of time" speech which really just makes me want to throw something! I had planned on having one child and thinking about a second one by this time in my life, so waiting until I am older just really isn't something I want to do. So once the doctor came around we had a good appointment. He thinks we should do another cycle or 2 of the IUI's before moving on to IVF. A minimum it would cost us for IVF is $10,000 and IUI about $1,000 so now it is up to us to decide. It is so frustrating to think that having a baby could cost so much just to make the baby! If we go the IVF route we will be waiting until at least next summer because that cost is just not something we are prepared to pay now.... which quite frankly bites. So to come this far only to find out I might have to wait another year is rough but I refuse to bring a baby into a family that is in debt just from making the baby so we have to be wise about it.

Well anyways thats where we are at....... waiting. I know there is always that chance it will happen on its own and believe me we are doing everything in our power to make it happen complete with eating and living healthy, and all the other stuff that is important to baby making. ;)

Infertility Doesn’t Just Affect Older Women « CBS Boston

Infertility Doesn’t Just Affect Older Women « CBS Boston

Let's get this baby making show on the road.....

Well here we go... we are headed to the clinic tomorrow for our initial consult with the our Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). I am very excited but also nervous... there are so many things running through my head like what kind of options will we have will it be something we can afford. I am however excited to get the show on the road after years of trying this and trying that and trying to just let it happen and seeing this doctor and that doctor I am I ready to see the big boys. I feel like even if we have to wait a while to be able to afford In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) it is still a beginning and you can not have an end (a baby in my arms) without a beginning.

I hear a lot of people saying that it will happen in time, there is still a chance, and that when the time is right God will bless us with a child. I believe in God and I know when the time is right he will bless me with a child but I also believe that sometimes the path God chooses for us is the path less traveled. You don't go to build a house and sit back and say okay God build it, and so I can't sit back and say okay God make me a baby. God made me a doer and thats what I am going to do!

Bitterness ...... it is time to let go.

Everyone in life has something that they can choose to be bitter about, but all bitterness will do is eat at you and make you miserable. People always say "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade" this is a good philosophy for looking for the silver lining but seriously unless you have sugar too the lemonade is going to suck. I think when life gives you lemon get mad, get sad, and get over it!
I choose to get mad at the things in life that I have no control over that I don't like, and then I choose to let it go and be happy...... CHOOSE HAPPINESS PEOPLE is basically what I am saying!

I am choosing happiness today and I hope everyone else will too!

When will it be my turn.......

When will it be my turn to be a mother for my husband to be a father for us to be a family. How many more people around us do we have to watch have this why we still wait patiently. Most of our friends and family know that we are trying to start a family but most people do not know what a struggle it has been. After years of trying and multiple tests, procedures, medicines it has come down to IVF which as most people know is not cheap, so now my wait to be a mom has to wait even longer until I can come up with the money. My infertility does not mean I am broken it just means I need some extra help.
With Mother's day approaching this subject is especially hard because the one thing I want most in the world is to be a Mother and this is the one day made to honor Mothers. This blog is not to make people feel sorry for me  it is a place for me to talk about how I feel and share what is going on with me and my baby making journey. Most people do not know what to say to someone struggling with infertility so they throw out cliche words like "it will happen" "don't worry" "there are always miracles" "don't stress" "there are other options" and the aboslute worse "I know its hard" which are meant to be encouraging but FYI they are not! When I hear "don't stress just relax and it will happen in its own time" I puke a little in my mouth because obviously you have never been through something like this or you would know its not that I am stressed it is that I am completely heart broken. Then when people aren't offering their encouraging words they are giving me advice have your tried this, or that, or have you taken this, and my all time favorite "try standing on your head my cousin did that" I mean seriously do you think that I would get to this point after all these years and not have tried all these things.... even the standing on my head! So what I need from my friends and family is not a magic word that will make it all okay I just need you to listen and understand when I am not overly enthused at the next pregnancy announcement and know that sometimes I just need a hug. It is impossible to understand what I am going through unless you yourself have been through trying years to get pregnant with NO success so I do not expect you to understand I just expect you to love me through every emotional crazy hormonal day I may have.... or at least tolerate me. So this Mother's day if you are a Mother be thankful for that because it does not come easily to everyone and a baby is truly a blessing that should be cherished.